Over the last year with the college students, during our meeting times together, we've pondered the question Parker Palmer poses in his book Let Your Life Speak:Listening for the Voice of Vocation. He asks, "Is the life your living, the life that wants to live in you?" This question has opened up for us a series of questions. "What is Vocation? What is Spiritual Formation? How are these two tied together? What is discipleship and what does it look like today?" I've also asked the students to ask themselves, "Who am I? Who has God called me to be? What has he called me to based upon who I am?" When we started this process in January of 2007 I hadn't anticipated the impact it would have on me personally. I have not remained at a distance, but have been brought to a place to ponder and question the refining of my own vocation.
Is the life I was given by God, at the beginning of time and intended to live out in this period within eternity, the life I am actually living? It seems to be a simple question, but it isn't. Over the last year as a full-time pastor at a traditional institutional church I have experienced glimpses of this "life" I'm intended to live. It still hasn't been the fullest expression of the vocation I'm called to. I have sensed there is more. Lately I've pondered the words found in Richard Bolles' book titled What Color is Your Parachute.
There is a time, when we are young, when we lie out in a meadow, our hands clasped behind our head, and as we stare up at the sky, we dream of what our life might be. The possibilities seem endless, and we are enchanted at this vision. It beckons us toward Life, and Joy.But then, as things work out, and we grow older, Reality sets in. We decide we have to settle. Settle for a life that's less than what we dreamed. A different life. Maybe an Okay life. But definitely a lesser life. And, at times, a boring life.
But sometimes later, in our life, something awakens within us. Call it yearning. Call it hope. We come to realize the dream we dreamed has never died. And we go back to get it. We decide to resume our search...for the life we know within our heart that we were meant to live.
As a family we're searching for more and I'm not content to "settle" in to just being comfortable and "ok." Recently we've been talking about how "everything must change." The outgrowth of all of this discussion is we are once again stepping out in faith and asking God who he desires us to be and what he has called us to.
This last Sunday I shared with the college group the news I'll be sharing with the church as a whole this Sunday. As I've sought out a refining of vocation, questioned what it truly means to be the church, and to live in the way of Jesus, the life still wanting to live in me is no longer consistent with serving as a pastor at a traditional church. I can "do" it and I'm blessed God has chosen to use us over the last four years at High St. Community Church, but the the still quite voice of my vocation is beckoning me and the time has come to move into the next season of my calling. When the graduating students come to the end of this academic year in June and transition onto their next season of life, we will be moving on with them.
Transitions are never easy. We have been significantly transformed by serving at HSCC and we are now a part of a new faith community we didn't have in our lives four years ago. It would be comfortable in many ways to continue to serve the kingdom in the same we are presently, but I can't ignore his still quite voice saying to me, "come follow me."
