monkinabus: blog of derek dominguez

Diarrhea of The Mouth: Does Your Speech Leave Behind a Stench?

I tend to talk too much. I often rationalize it away, as "it's just the way I am" as verbal processor. As I continue to study the The Rule of St. Benedict I'm amazed how relevant it is to my own life. Chapter three of Monk Habits for Everyday People: Benedictine Spirituality for Protestants is titled "Learning to Listen." Okholm strings together pithy insights from the rule about the significance of restraint of speech. He asks, "Why would Benedict be so concerned with a topic about which we hear so little in the church?" Okholm quotes a trio of verses about what the Bible directly states about the restraint of speech. One of them is Prov. 10:19 which states, "When words abound, transgression is inevitable, but the one who retrains his words is wise" (NETBible.) 

I have tried to be sensitive about my superfluous speech. Is my speech, tone, word usage, and timing leveraged for my own benefit and motivations? Or, are the words of my mouth building others up and focused on loving others. There is a danger in talking too much. Okholm quotes Michal Casey as he elaborates.

"It restricts our capacity to listen, it banishes mindfulness and opens the door to distraction and escapism. Talking too much often convinces us of the correctness of our own conclusions and leads some into thinking they are wise. It can be a subtle exercise in arrogance and superiority. Often patters of dependence, manipulation, and dominance are established and maintained by the medium of speech" (p. 44-45.)

Ouch....strong words for something we often don't hear about in the church. We hear sermons and teaching about the use of the tongue. Restraint of speech was important to St. Benedict as it pertained to the monastery. Why do we hear so little about it in the church? Have you ever heard a sermon about talking less and learning to listen more? Okholm ends with quoting Casey again when he states, "many of our 'daily sins' are launched by or performed in our conversation: often our spontaneous speech 'sides with the part of us that resists grace'" (p. 45.)

I wonder how often unbeknown to me my bumbling mouth leaves behind a stench.This Lenten season I hope to talk less and listen more. We will see how it goes as old habits are hard to break or even bend.

Breath of Life: Ponderings from the Death of My Uncle

My uncle could have never known the significance of how God would use his death to cement into my marrow insights about myself and my calling to serve God. It’s been almost two weeks, since I waited with his lifeless body in the room where he slipped away in his sleep, for the funeral home to arrive. I’m thankful for being able to share with Him the life he could experience in Christ and to have been able to baptize him in the ocean in 2006. Over the last few years he started to comprehend and grow into what it meant to be forgiven, to embrace wholeness, and freedom from brokenness.

We take every breath we are given for granted. We’re not promised tomorrow or even to make it to the end of today. All of us eventually “return to dust.” Between now and then, when we inhale for the last time never to exhale again, how are we choosing to spend our days? My prayer recently has been to be able to embrace the words of the psalmist and not just murmur them. “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom (90:12).”

God help me to not succumb to living today in some lackadaisical fashion. Help me to spend my time with eternity in mind. Assist me to “love well, as it is lasting beyond the temporal horizon of this world. Prod me onward with an unrelenting passion to serve and disturb your people to be a sign, witness, and foretaste of your kingdom. Amen.

Wholeness: A Life Rooted and Moored

We have gone through so many different transitions as a family over the last year and a half.  I've often felt like a little row boat tied at the end of a dock with a huge storm bearing down. The wind rises and the waves crush. The rope is pulled and begins to unravel under the stress of the storm. The storm passes, the rope remains tied only to look to the horizon and see the clouds re-grouping again. It's easy to succumb to the weight of the differing storms of life and to be pulled from our moorings.

I often, during these times reflect and ask the question, "What does it look like for me to live a whole life, to be whole in the midst of this unraveling?" As I've asked this question on going for last fifteen years, I've been drawn to how the Christian monastic tradition, in particular the Benedictine tradition, chooses to answer it. Benedictine spirituality embraces a particular rhythm of life in responding to how to live.

Recently I've started reading Dennis Okholm's book titled "Monk Habits for Everyday People: Benedictine Spirituality for Protestants." It's a small book and an easy read, but not easy to digest what it haves to offer. The chapter titled "Why Benedictine Spirituality for Protestants?" begins with these words.

Richard Foster has said, "'The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people or gifted people, but for deep people.' In many respects we live shallow lives, easily entertained by celebrities, trivial pursuits, and consumer products. A deeply rooted spiritual life desired by many, but its cultivation seems to escape just as many. What does such a life look like?"

I long for a whole life, a deep life. One rooted and moored, bearing the storms of life but not unraveling. Often times it is not deep, but shallow. Often time I am wooed away by "trivial pursuits" and desperate measures, allured to build up my false self which is in love with what others think of me, being seen as intelligent and gifted.

I'm drawn to the Benedictine tradition and spirituality as it provides a means and way to stay deeply rooted as others have for hundreds of years. How do you stay rooted to your moorings? How do you cultivate your spiritual life? How do you stay whole as you face the daily realities of life?

Why do we make it so complicated?

"The Beginner's Bible : Timeless Children's Stories," Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI,  pg. 480 - 483.

"Love Well"

I have been thinking lately about what really matters in this life. My conviction is all that really matters or is lasting is "loving well." I don't think we can love others well without embracing how deeply and "well loved" we are by God. It's hard though fully accepting that love and the degree by which we embrace it depicts the depth of how we love others well too. Love is what lasts...go and "love well." As I was thinking about this today I stumbled upon this quote by Krista Tippet.

"None of us will be measured on how much we accomplish but on how well we love." ~ Krista Tippet

Running stop signs: certainty can kill

I ran a stop sign. As I was driving down the frontage road southbound I saw a white Chevy SUV halfway out in the middle of the road coming out of a side street. I thought to myself, as I was talking on my phone, "What in the h*** is this person thinking." They're sitting in the middle of the intersection. I didn't slow down. Why should I. They were the one in the middle of the road and in my way. As I got closer they stopped. If they hadn't we would have collided. As I flew past them after swerving around them at 35 mph, both the driver and passenger raised their arms in disbelief. I chuckled to myself as I saw the look on their faces.

I was certain they were the ones in error. So certain, I didn't slow down even though I was putting myself and others in dangerous harm as I flew through the intersection. They were the one with the stop sign and needed to wait. I had the right away. My certainty almost killed me. It wasn't until I was past the SUV and through the intersection, that the backside of the stop sign appeared in my rear view mirror.

I wonder how many times I've been certain I know something about myself, a particular belief I have about God, theology, or someone else and have been dead wrong? I wonder how many times in the past or even the present, my certainty about something, fueled by my pride is actually putting myself or others in harm's way. 

I'm reminded of John Franke's statements in his book The Character of Theology, where he challenges his readers to remember we are finite beings trying to grapple and understand an infinite God. We are also depraved, seeking truth revealed from a perfect and Holy God. Therefore, we must always live with a deep sense of humility, interpreting the Scriptures within community. There's a good chance we might be wrong.

I recall something Dr. Bingham stated in one of my historical theology classes. It was something along the lines, "As soon as the preacher or teacher stops reading the text and begins to explain it, there is a good chance they might be wrong." I do believe we can teach with confidence and can have strong convictions about God, ourselves and reality, but our convictions need to be held with a deep sense of humility and there is possibility we could be wrong.

I think the same can be said of our interpretations of ourselves and who we think we are or are becoming. We all have blind spots or character flaws we keep hidden and buried. Many of them we don't see ourselves. We may even be certain they don't even exist. While all the while they are quite evident to everyone else.

Running the stop sign was a reality check for me. I just broke out laughing after I realized what I had done and how silly my certainty had been prior to the revelation that I was the one in error. After the fact I'm pretty certain I'm in need of more humility. At least it's a certainty not out to kill me. Humility is a good thing.

It's just the way it is some days...

...when you wake up feeling a bit drained and poopy. Today was one of those days. I just wasn't motivated to do much of anything. I felt like I was just going through the motions. It's hard when there is sooo much to do with leading ministries where you are also raising support full time. Trying to provide for the needs of your family and hopefullly some of the "wants" but also following God's calling on your life. I would not trade if for anything. We see lives being impacted and God continues to move through the ministry we are called to in serving the "least of these" in Santa Cruz County and the orphaned around the world. We know this is what we're to do with our lives.....but I think it's ok to admit it's not all that easy some of the time.

It takes a relentless perseverance to battle for the goodness of the kingdom in this world. It's a continuous swimming against a tide that doesn't want to see kingdom justice prevail in this world. I won't stop fighting the tide. Tomorrow is a new day. His mercies are new every morning and for that I praise Him.

Taking Care of My Soul: Into Solitude

One thing I've realized in the time I've been in leadership is the greatest thing we can do is to take care of our own soul. It's been too long since we've just gotten away as a family to pray, ponder, and discern the trajectory of this next season of life, so that is what we're going to do.

I'm looking forward to unplugging, spending time with the family and logging some miles on my road bike in the Sierras the rest of the week. Into the mountains and into solitude we go. I'll leave you with a quote I recently posted here by Parker Palmer.

"A leader is a person who must take special responsibility for what's going on inside him- or herself, inside his or her consciousness, lest the act of leadership create more harm than good." ~ Parker Palmer

Little Something To Think About On Father's Day

The Desert of the Heart

"The Fathers of the Church were not afraid to go out into the desert because they had a richness in their hearts. But, we, with richness all around us, are afraid, because the desert is in our hearts" ~ Donald Bloesch via Brian Gross